Here’s the thing about internalized ableism: it’s a sneaky beast and you’re not always going to know it’s there. I sure didn’t. It took me until my 44th birthday to publicly identify as a person with disabilities.

That’s after 30 years with epilepsy, and 18 years in corporate environments where I created systems for myself to manage memory challenges. I didn’t even know that that’s what they were – systems – until more recent years when I realized not everyone had to do what I did.

And that’s after twenty years of debilitating back pain that stems from seven (yes *7*) car accidents in my 20s that I just brushed aside, because, well, “I’m fine.”

I’m learning though, and will continue to learn.

Like learning to ask for what I need. And learning to be open to things that might help me, like my new and most excellent hiking sticks.

Do any of the following phrases feel familiar? If yes, might I gently suggest a reframe?

1. Minimizing your experience: "I don’t have it as bad as that person, so I shouldn’t complain."

• Reframe to validate your experience: "My struggles are real, even if they look different from someone else’s."

• Action: Remind yourself that pain isn’t a competition. Everyone deserves care and support.

2. Pushing through pain or exhaustion: "I’m in pain, but I can just power through."

• Reframe to honour your limits: "Listening to my body is a strength, not a weakness."

• Action: Experiment with resting before you hit a breaking point. Notice how it impacts your well-being.

3. Denying or hiding needs: "I shouldn’t take medication unless I absolutely have to."

• Reframe to embrace support: "If a tool makes my life easier, I deserve to use it."

• Action: If you’re hesitant, try the support (e.g., a mobility aid) for a short time and see how it feels.

4. Feeling like a burden: "I don’t want to inconvenience anyone by asking for help."

• Reframe to recognize interdependence: "Everyone needs support. My needs matter just as much as anyone else’s."

• Action: Start small; practice accepting help in low-stakes situations and notice that most people are happy to assist.

5. Tying worth to productivity: "If I can’t work at full capacity, what’s the point?"

• Reframe to value yourself beyond work: "My worth isn’t measured by productivity. Rest and joy are just as important as work."

• Action: Reflect on what you love about others; it’s likely not their productivity. Try applying the same thinking to yourself.

6. Rejecting identity or diagnosis: "I’m not disabled enough to call myself disabled."

• Reframe to acceptance: "Disability is a spectrum, and I don’t have to prove anything to anyone."

• Action: If labels feel overwhelming, focus on what helps you thrive instead of defining yourself by how you compare to others.

This work is not easy or simple, and leaning into the support of a therapist, coach, and your trusted community can help.

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